Music

This is inspired by lawbrat's recent fun blogthing about musical influence. I tried taking the survey, and found it a bit lacking. So for want of a better survey, I'm just going to list the CDs that I've got sitting in my current rotation. I don't necessarily listen to all of them all the time, but they're a very representative sampling of the music I think has influenced me.

1. Chris Rice, Past the Edges
2. Sheryl Crow, The Very Best of
3. Simplicity: String Quartet (instrumental hymns)
4. Abba, Gold: Greatest Hits
5. Billy Joel, Greatest Hits Vol. III
6. Chris Rice, Run the Earth, Watch the Sky
7. Simon and Garfunkel, The Concert in Central Park (one of my favorite CDs of all time)
8. George Winston, Montana: A Love Story
9. WOW Worship (Red)
10. Barry Manilow, Ultimate Manilow (music from my childhood, can't help it)
11. Chris Rice, The Living Room Sessions
12. Cambridge Singers, A Portrait of (the)
13. Prayer: A Windham Hill Collection
14. Lifescapes, Celtic Harp (cheesy Target kiosk music)
15. Lifescapes, Solo Piano (ditto)
16. Sara Groves, All Right Here
17. Women of Faith, Outrageous Joy
18. Rich Mullins, Songs (another all time favorite, even though I own most of the other tapes/CDs this stuff mostly came from)
19. Jia Peng Fang, Faraway (Chinese erhu, 2-stringed instrument that sounds like a violin)
20. Jia Peng Fang, Rainbow (ditto)
21. Linda Ronstadt (with Nelson Riddle Orchestra), 'Round Midnight
22. Norah Jones, Feels Like Home
23. Norah Jones, Come Away With Me (actually my husband stole this to play in his car, but it SHOULD be here)
24. The Essential Simon and Garfunkel
25. Aselin Debison, Sweet is the Melody (young Canadian girl with a lovely voice)
26. Billy Joel, Fantasies & Delusions (his foray into classical piano, written by him, but performed by someone else. Eh?)
27. Chicago, Greatest Hits 1982-1989
28. Lionel Richie, Truly: The Love Songs
29. The Beatles, 1
30. John Denver, An Evening with (another music-from-my-childhood entry)

The room, it's spinning...

I'm slowly getting sucked into the vortex that is BlogShares. Imagine (and thank goodness...or too bad? it really is imaginary), every blog is a stock you can buy or sell. Some, like Dooce.com, are worth a bundle, and then there's mine. This is a fantasy stock market, of course, so don't get all excited when you find your blog listed there and think you can sell it; on the other hand, don't be miffed if you don't see yours. You can get it listed. I have no idea how to do that, just as I have no idea how my blog got on there without my knowing about it.

It's so overwhelming. I thought I'd join, look around a bit, then do a little buying and selling (since I know absolutely NOTHING about how the stock market works), but no sooner had I joined then two people had gifted me with shares in two expensive blogs. And even before I was aware of one of those gifts, it was a victim of a hostile takeover. As it turns out, that's not a bad thing if it happens to you early on, because it gave me a tidy bundle of cash to do a little buying with. So I invested in one up-and-coming blog, and sank a hefty sum into one measly share of Dooce (who's worth over a million, by the way). For some reason those have not yet shown up in my portfolio, but there must be some lag time...maybe the six hours I'm supposed to wait before selling, anyway?

So I've wasted my entire afternoon figuring out how to do all that.

SPD: Might have been me, 30 years ago

Like mrtl, I'm cheating a bit. However, in my defense, somewhere there IS a picture of me, at about the same age, in more or less the same pose (shades were not as cool, though). Furthermore, ethnicity aside, everyone in my family says that Audrey looks like a Chinese version of me. So I don't feel too bad about fudging a little.

Constantine...

Honey, I don't know what America was thinking last night. I wasn't sure you'd get to the end, but I never figured you'd finish less than third, behind Bo and Carrie. (Not that I would have voted for anyone but you...if I had voted, that is). Anyway, you're hot, you've got charisma and an adorable cleft in your chin, and you can sing, so surely someone somewhere will sign you up for a record deal.

Oh and by the way...

"I think I love you!"

Rolling over

Watching a baby grow and change is amazing. It happens right before your eyes, ready or not...and whether they are ready or not, too. Accomplishing a new developmental skill can be a compulsion, something they are absolutely driven to do. I've read that babies often work on these tasks in their sleep, like the baby that pulls himself up to stand in his crib, and then wakes up and cries because he doesn't know how to get himself down.

Aislinn's skill of choice at the moment is rolling over, back to front. And yes, she tries to do it in her sleep. I'll nurse her to sleep, then lay her down in her crib. She immediately throws her legs up in the air and torques them over until she's nearly face down. I have to wait until she's done so I can roll her back over, because babies, as you know, are not supposed to sleep on their bellies, and she has not yet mastered rolling from her belly to her back.

Watching her work on this skill when she's awake is even funnier, proof that she is compelled to learn this new skill almost against her will. Why? Because she hates to be on her tummy. And yet, she is always trying to roll over to her tummy. Just look:


rolling over #1 

Trying to get over...


Rolling over #2 

Almost there...


Rolling over #3 

Yay! I did it!


Rolling over #4 

Enough of this! I hate being on my stomach. Um, mom....


Rolling over #5 

Help! Mommeeeeee!!! I'm stuck, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh....

Update on the un-diet

So last Tuesday sucked; major headache, major mood swings. By Wednesday lunchtime, I was starting to feel light-headed and dizzy, so I decided I was going to have to make some modifications. I'm eating bigger portions of protein and carbs; as a breastfeeding mama, I need about 1800 calories a day. I'm still sticking with no refined sugar, though I did have a few things with refined flour (like at the pitch-in dinner at church Saturday night, where there were only white rolls).

All that said, I did not expect to lose a whole lot this week. So I was satisfied with the two pounds I did lose, bringing me down to 139. I got in two days of treadmill walking at the community center last week, and also went in yesterday, so I feel good that exercise is well on its way to becoming a habit. And energy? I could hike the entire Great Wall of China and back.

My new rule is that I will not have any snacks or treats that have refined sugar while I'm at home. Indefinitely. After the first two weeks of sugar detox, but while I'm still losing weight, the only sweet treat I will allow myself will be my weekly chai (shocker, I know). After I've gotten down to my ideal weight, probably around 115, I'll allow myself treats occasionally if I'm NOT at home (like dessert if we're eating out), but the rule for no sweets at home will stand. I think this is a good habit to instill in my kids as well, although I'm not sure how to deal with things like the candy my daughter brings home from Sunday school (and soon kindergarten, I'm sure), not to mention Halloween and Easter. Especially since I have snuck chocolate from her Easter basket since she first started getting chocolate in her Easter basket.

A word about Chinese food

(Note: before reading this, it's helpful to know that I spent three years teaching English in China, where I met and married my husband, who is Chinese. I am Chinese only by marriage ;) )

My sister called me tonight asking what Chinese people typically eat for breakfast. A friend of hers had eaten at a Chinese restaurant with her family, and they realized that Chinese restaurants don't tend to serve breakfast. She knew my sister was related to a Chinese person, and called her to ask. She had no clue, as any breakfast she may have eaten at our house would almost certainly have been of the cereal and milk variety. Hence, she called me to find out. I told her a bowl of rice porridge, a couple of fried breadsticks, and a glass of warm soymilk would be a yummy breakfast for many a Chinese person (I agree with all but the warm soymilk).

It occurred to me that, really, most Americans don't know what typical Chinese food for ANY meal is like, as the majority of Chinese restaurants I've eaten at in the States do NOT serve typical Chinese food. Some of the names are the same, but believe me, the (insert name of any Chinese dish) in your local China Buffet does not compare to the real thing.

So I've come up with some rules for the uninitiated, so you can better find and enjoy REAL Chinese food.

1) To determine if a restaurant serves authentic Chinese food, look at the Asian-to-white ratio. If there are one or two Chinese people, there might be a couple of good things on the menu. If about half of the people are Chinese, they've got some real good food, but it still might not all be authentic. If yours is the only white face, you've hit the jackpot. Unfortunately, you usually have to go to a Chinatown to find this, and even then, you'll have to ask around. Ask where tourists are least likely to go.

2. Minute Rice is just wrong. To be authentic Chinese rice, it must stick together. The reason for this is that it's easier to eat with chopsticks. Which leads me to:

3. Chopsticks: Don't Be Intimidated. I actually started using chopsticks long before my first trip to China, when I was in high school. When I was growing up, we didn't have any Chinese restaurants around where I lived (as opposed to now, where there China Buffets seem to be as abundant as Starbucks). We did have Benihana about an hour away, a Japanese restaurant where I could have fun with chopsticks. My parents and sister would play with them for a minute, then switch to forks. I forced myself to use them the whole meal, just for fun. By the time I went to China for the first time in 1992, I could already use them quite proficiently. After coming home from my three years in China, Chinese food just did not taste the same if I had to eat it with a fork. Bamboo ones are easier than plastic (plastic is too slippery).

4. Real fried rice is not yellow or brown. It's white, aside from the meat and veggies in it. If it's good, instead of being flavored with soy sauce, it will be flavored with garlic, green onions, and fresh ginger (the Big Three in Chinese cooking).

5. If you don't like it hot, you're missing out on a lot. I know. I never used to eat anything spicier than a bell pepper. But when I was living in China, there were times I had to eat extremely hot things if I did not want to hurt the cook's feelings. One particular trip to Hunan, eating meat spiced with whole peppercorns that made my lips numb, stands out. And you know what? It built up my tolerance. I still don't like whole peppercorns, but I do know hot is good when it makes me need MORE. Mapo doufu (tofu)is great; kung pao chicken can be, but not at the buffets.

6. The world is a better place because of boiled dumplings. And I'm not talking about the previously-frozen half-cold ones sitting in the warming pan on the buffet (rarely are the buffets any good for anything, anyway). No, you have to go to a real dumpling or noodle house to get good boiled dumplings, or jiaozi. Dim sum places will usually have a good selection of jiaozi. If they actually have more than one kind of filling to choose from, you're in the right place. And if you're ever at my house, maybe we'll cook you up some homemade ones.

7. Be adventurous. If you are afraid of trying something, just because you're not sure what it is, you might miss out on one of the best things you ever tasted. (Sometimes you're better off not knowing, anyway.) Just because the name "black wood ear fungus" sounds disgusting, and just because it looks like the wet, slimy, black leaves at the bottom of your leaf pile during a rainshower in October, does not mean it IS bad. (I just had some for dinner tonight that my husband cooked with spareribs. MMMMMMMM....)

8. Along with being adventurous, Do not discriminate against what animals you're willing to eat. Once again, you'll miss out on some really good stuff. I'm standing here to tell you that snake, dog, and goat meat are worth trying. Especially dog...it's like really tender beef. (And quit with your yelling at me that it's wrong to eat dogs. The dogs in China that people eat are raised for the meat, like we raise cattle. If you're a vegetarian, I understand, but if not, get over it!). The one thing I've heard is not worth trying is cat; apparently it's just too tough to be any good.

9. Do not discriminate against the body parts you are willing to sample. I've had gelatinized duck blood, goat's testicles, pig's brain, chicken feet, duck feet, pigs feet...if it's edible, I've probably tried it. The cheeks of a fish, along with the yellow eggs inside, are the BEST, but you'll never have a chance to try unless you're willing to look at a whole cooked fish, head and tail, on the serving plate. I haven't enjoyed everything I've tried (chicken feet and pigs feet stand out, as do the goat testicles), but I don't lose anything for trying.

10. Don't expect dessert to be exciting. Chinese are not big on sweets. They usually eat fresh fruit for dessert. There are a few sweet dishes you can try if you have a sweet tooth; caramalized apples, pineapple, or bananas are very good (the bananas are the richest). Some places might have a Chinese version of jello (coconut is good), but it's not spectacular. If you're in a Chinatown, and want something sweet for dessert, walk around after your meal and look for a Chinese bakery. You'll find some good things there. If you want to try something very special, go for a mooncake. These are most widely available in September or October, around the Moon Festival, but you can often find them other times of the year. My favorite filling is red bean paste, but many other Americans prefer lotus seed filling. If you're really adventurous, get it with a salty duck egg yolk baked into it. This is GREAT with coffee (though my husband would say green tea).

And an extra rule, just so you know:

11. Fortune cookies are not found in China. Neither is chop suey, or crispy "chow mein" noodles. Most Chinese restaurants in the States have the fortune cookies, nonetheless, but if the restaurant has chop suey or La Choy chow mein noodles...run, as fast as you can, in the opposite direction.

Linus and Lucy Fridays: Lucy's turn

This was MY chair before that little brat got here. Don't you even tell me to get down so you can sit here and feed her. And DON'T. TOUCH. THE. REMOTE. I will SO track litter all over the bathroom if you do. 

There's gold in them thar hills

****WARNING!!!! Gross picture alert!!!!****

So as not to give away the joke, I can't say what the picture is. But you have been warned.

In case you were wondering if the color name was accurate...

Perfect timing, baby. Perfect timing.

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

With thanks to Greenthumb.

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

The colors generated seem to be random, so I just kept trying until I found one that seemed appropriate. My other favorite was "Time O'The Month Red", but since I'm just 4 1/2 months postpartum and still breastfeeding, it's not appropriate at all (though it does fit my current mood, trying to kick the carb habit).

Yesterday? Piece of cake. Today? I WANT THAT CAKE!!!

HEAD. POUNDING. DETOXING. WANT. CARBS.

I could eat an entire loaf of bread.

I read today that complete detox can take five days, and the fourth day is the hardest. Heaven help me.

On a positive note, I went to the local community center and used a treadmill for the first time in my life. I used to go outside to walk, but now I know I'm meant to exercise on machines. Indoors, in temperature-controlled rooms, where I can watch TV without feeling like a couch potato. Plus I got to see my heart rate, how many miles I walked, my speed, and of most important...how many calories I burned.

Things I learned today

1) A half-cup of All Bran doesn't seem like much.



2)A cup of vanilla yogurt seems like a lot (sorry, no picture of that one!).
3) Both go a LONG way.

A little half-cup of All Bran, with a cup of milk on it, along with a banana, one scrambled egg, and a cup of coffee kept me full until lunch (and oh what a lunch! Seared Tuna Salad and a ripe pear). I didn't even need a snack in the morning. When I started getting hungry in the afternoon, I had that cup of yogurt. I keep thinking maybe I measured it wrong (is it considered a fluid cup? Does that make a difference?). Anyway, it was a lot, and it kept me mostly full until dinner. I got dinner started late, but snacked on a few cucumber slices left from lunch to tide me over. Dinner was roasted chicken and asparagus almondine. I am allowed all the nonstarchy vegetables I want, so I had a lot of the asparagus...it was really yummy!

I'm also allowing myself some leeway because I am nursing a baby. I'm letting myself have larger portions of protein than is recommended in the book, and an extra glass of milk. We'll see how that works.

I did good with no sugar, but I was eyeing the buttered bread I gave the four-year-old with her dinner. Oh, I guess at some point this afternoon I was craving something, so I chewed a piece of sugar-free gum. And then this evening...I had six plain Triscuits. That's an extra carb, but it's whole grain, so hopefully that's not cheating too much?

I'm having my extra glass of milk before bed...but oh, I'm wishing I could have a couple of cookies to go with it. Today was not as hard as I thought it might be, but I have a feeling it will catch up with me tomorrow.

I'll leave you with this guy, who cracked me up at breakfast this morning.



Somehow, a stick man made of All Bran exhorting you to "Feel Great...With Fiber!" just seems wrong. If he's not careful, I'm going to rip that raspberry head off and swallow it whole.

T minus one to blast-off

I'm trying not to make too big of a deal of this new food lifestyle thing. I want to kind of sneak up on it and just let it happen. If I make a big deal of it, I think I'm setting myself up for a huge let-down if I fall off the sugar wagon or something, so maybe calling tomorrow "blast-off" is not the best thing. But it feels like it will be as life-changing as a trip to outer space, so it's appropriate. Hopefully it will also end up being as much of an adventure.

I've got All-Bran in the pantry. Splenda (which I once swore I'd never use) on the shelf below it. Went to Walmart last night and cleaned out the produce department (just a few celery leaves and onion skins on the floor now). Got a bowl of fruit on the table. Last night the husband and I cleaned out the fridge and pantry, trashing anything that could tempt me.

I've also made an arrangement with a friend (actually at her initiative) in which she will will bring her daughter (my daughter's best friend) to my house twice a week while she goes to Curves to work out for half an hour; then she will come back to my house and watch my kids while I go to Curves to work out. That will be Tuesday and Thursday; hopefully I can find time on the weekend to get in a third work-out. I've never been one to love exercise, so having the time expressly set aside (along with free childcare to boot, woohoo!) will be a big motivator.

I'm now at 141 pounds, which is actually a few pounds less than the last time I checked, probably due to me already starting this week to think of sugar as the enemy. Per Greenthumb's advice, I won't weigh myself again for another week, so the pounds lost will be that much more spectacular (also because I know I tend to obsess if I weigh myself every day).

Linus and Lucy Fridays

Linus protecting Tigger

Burning questions

1. Will my four-year-old ever learn to brush her teeth without smearing blue toothpaste all over the bathroom counter?
2. Will my husband ever learn to put clean dishes away in their proper places so that I can find them when I need them?
3. Will the cats ever stop throwing up on the beige carpet in the living room and dining room?

And of course, the most vital...
4. Will the baby ever let me get 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep?

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

When I was in high school, I was skinny. When I say skinny, I mean I was 5'2" and 95 pounds fully-clothed soaking wet. I didn't hit 100 pounds until college. I could eat as much as I wanted of anything I wanted and hardly gain an ounce. Just one of those great metabolisms, I guess. I used to wish I was 110 pounds so I could be eligible to donate blood. Before you hate me, let me tell you now that I weigh about 145. OK, still not exactly what you'd call obese, and not surprising after two kids, but I'm pushing the limit on the acceptable amount of body fat.

Those years of being able to eat lots of anything I wanted gave me bad habits. Namely:

1. Sugar-loaded carbonated beverages (diet Coke?? ICK!!!)
2. Chocolate
3. Ice cream
4. Fattening desserts of any and every kind

After two full-term pregnancies, my metabolism has slowed tremendously, but my bad habits remain. As a result, I've concluded I must change my ways.

As of Monday, April 18, I am making a lifestyle change in how I eat. I'm following Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Solution, starting with the Two-Week Rapid Start Plan. What does that mean, exactly? For starters, it means I'm cutting out virtually all sugar for two weeks, and reducing all carbs dramatically. Any carbs I do eat will be limited to fruit or whole grains. Luckily I already have a taste for whole grains (I far prefer wheat to white bread), but giving up sugar will be extremely hard. I expect to go through withdrawal.

I have heard that after these first two weeks, I'm not likely to crave sugary foods anymore, as long as I continue to consume them in moderation. But these first two weeks will be HARD. I'm used to eating when I'm bored, unhappy, watching TV, on the computer, etc. Carbs are a way I've dealt with depression. That's great if it helps the depression; not great when I realize I have essentially gained 50 pounds since I graduated from high school with this method.

I've tried "dieting". It doesn't work. Once I've attained my goal, I go back to eating things that make me gain weight, and eating for comfort. Part of Dr. Phil's plan includes dealing with this trap. I'm on Zoloft and seeing a therapist...and I also intend to start exercising: another HARD thing for me.

I'm anxious about the first two weeks, and worried that I'll fail. But adult-onset obesity runs in my family (my mother, who was also extremely petite as a teenager, is 4'10" and weighs probably around 250 pounds), as does diabetes. I think I owe it to both my physical health and my mental health to do this. And the legacy I'll pass on to my own girls in showing them how to take care of their bodies will be doubly worth it.

Song lyrics: Cartoons

Quirky song lyrics are the best. Here's one of my favorites, about what various cartoon characters would say if they got religion.

Cartoons
by Chris Rice

I was thinkin' the other day
What if cartoons got saved
They'd start singin' praise
In a whole new way...
Well, I was thinkin' the other day,
What if cartoons got saved?
They'd start singin' praise
In a whole new way...

Fred and Wilma Flintstone
Sing "Yabba-dabba-loo-yah"
Scooby-doo and Shaggy:
"Scooby-dooby-loo-yah"
And the Jetsons' dog named Astro:
"Row-ruh-roo-rah"

I was thinkin' the other day
What if cartoons got saved
They'd start singin' praise
In a whole new way...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:
"Cowabunga-loo-yah, Dude!"
Then there's, "Kermit the Frog here, singing,
Hi-ho-loo-yah"
And that little bald guy, Elmer Fudd:
"How-ah-woo-yah"

I was thinkin' the other day
What if cartoons got saved
They'd start singin' praise
In a whole new way

Oh that big old moose and his friend Rocky,
"Bullwink-a-loo-yah"
And our favourite bear named Yogi,
"Hi, Boo-boo-ba-loo-yah"
Then there's all those little blue guys
And they'd sing, "Hah-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lay-loo-yah"
How about Beavis and that other guy?
(*&#$^*%!)

Now, there's a point to this looney tune
I'm not an Anamaniac
But there's a lot of praisin' to do
And cartoons weren't made for that
It's our job
So, let's sing hallelujah
Hallelujah
Yabba-dabba-loo-yah
Scooby-dooby-loo-yah
Row-ruh-roo-rah

(This song is a hidden track at the end of Chris Rice's CD Past the Edges. But I prefer the live version, which is on his Snapshots: Live and Fan Favorites CD. For a better effect than just reading the lyrics here, I recommend listening to the sample on the Snapshots link...Chris Rice does great cartoon impersonations!)

Virtual bubble wrap

I'm having way too much fun on this site that I found on Spoonleg's blog.

My best time is 8.7 seconds on manic mode. I checked high scores...how in the heck can someone pop 77 bubbles in 0.1 seconds??? Without cheating??? And if they did cheat...how did they do it???

Yippee!!! Indiana will probably continue NOT to have Daylight Savings Time

Read about it here.

And Woody Burton is a bigger idiot than I used to think. His reason for voting FOR the bill? "I don't want to mess with this again next year."

I keep wondering...why do I consider myself a Republican???

You won't see many political posts here, mainly because I can't stand flame wars. This is a small, safe issue, yet one I've been hoping would not pass.

UPDATE: Crud...looks like it may pass after all. And they replaced the original story in the link with one that did not include Burton's idiotic remark.

I rarely call people idiots; I wait until I REALLY mean it (you mean the only reason to pass a bill is so you won't have to deal with it again?? D'oh!)

Just four months ago

Which of the following is true:

a) Jammies on the left are the baby's, jammies on the right are the preschooler's.
b) Jammies on the left are the preschooler's, jammies on the right are mine (OK, I am short).
c) Jammies on the left were the baby's when she was born, jammies on the right are what the baby is wearing now.

The correct answer, of course, is c).

I was sorting baby clothes today, putting the 0-3 month stuff in storage and making sure there were enough 3-6 month items. I remembered the tiniest pajamas the baby first wore; she was born a couple of weeks early, weighing 6 pounds even, and preemie jammies (of which the small pair in the picture are) fit her pretty easily. She has grown so much in 4 short months, as the other sleeper shows.

I always felt a little nostalgic when my preschool daughter outgrew clothes, especially my favorite outfits. I would never see her in them again, except possibly in photos! It is nice having a second daughter, because I get the pleasure of seeing a baby in the same outfits (and doubly fun since the baby is almost a little clone of her big sister at the same age). But now that she's already starting to outgrow clothes, it's more bittersweet this time. I don't know if there will be other babies to wear these clothes.

My pregnancy with my older daughter was VERY easy, although it took six months of very calculated trying to conceive her. When she was about 14 months old, we decided to try for another baby. A couple of months later, I was pregnant...and a few weeks after that, I miscarried. This happened three more times in the next year and a half, followed by a full year of trying with no success. Finally, when I got pregnant in March of last year, it stuck.

I hoped for another easy, enjoyable pregnancy like I'd had with my older daughter, but from the start, it was difficult. I had spotting fairly regularly for the first half, and was chronically tired throughout the entire pregnancy: napping the day away the first trimester, getting a little energy back in the second, but then wearing myself out dragging my huge belly around the last three months. My back and hips ached, my pelvic bone was sore from the baby resting against it, and though I thought I had experienced heartburn in my first pregnancy, the acid reflux I experienced this last time showed me I did not know how bad heartburn can be (who knew that water could give you heartburn???)

Now that the baby is here, I feel much better of course. But the thought of going through that again, whenever I start to think about the possibility of a third child, always gives me pause when I remember. I'm not exactly old, but four and a half years between pregnancies when you are 30-something is much different than it is if you are 20-something, I'm guessing. If it were to take another four years to achieve and carry a pregnancy...I can't even think about it. Assuming I can carry another pregnancy.

Realizing this, that this might be my last baby, I appreciate every little thing that much more. With my first daughter, I was in the throes of post-partum depression from the start and did not realize how fast it would go. This time, I'm holding on to everything. Those first magic days when her dark newborn eyes pierced me to the core, like an ancient sage. Her first smile, first giggle, those precious times when watching her sleep is all I want to do.

It's so ironic...when you can't wait to see what they'll grow up to be, but at the same time you wish time would just stop.

Sounds

{Note: I started this blog partly to get in the habit of writing more often, preferably every day. Though I hope to write from my own ideas a lot, I'll use memes from time to time, especially now when I'm still getting my feet wet. I got this one from Daydreaming on Paper.}

10 sounds that please me:
1. The joyful laughter of my daughters.
2. My husband whistling as he comes home from work.
3. The steamer in Borders heating up my chai.
4. The engine of an airplane I'm sitting in revving up for takeoff.
5. The soft "wshshhhhhhhhhhh" of my optical mouse as it moves around the mousepad.
6. The rustle of bulletins and the turning of Bible pages in church.
7. The thump of library books going into the book bag.
8. The wind blowing gently in the first scene of Myst.
9. Birds singing at 5:00 a.m., telling me spring has arrived.
10. The waves hitting the beach on Lake Huron at Cedar Campus in the Upper Peninsula.

10 sounds that annoy me:
1. My alarm clock beeping.
2. Modems and fax machines screeching.
3. "Press 1 to make an appointment. Press 2 if you need a prescription refill. Press 3 if you need lab results. Press 4 to slowly drive yourself insane."
4. WHHHHHIIIIIIIIINNNNNIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!
5. The gentle "pffffffhhhhhhtttttttlllllllppppp" of the baby filling her diaper.
6. The buzzer on the dryer, telling me the load is done (why didn't they give me a button to turn off to opt out of that??? I've got a baby taking a nap, for cryin' out loud!)
7. The cats scratching at my bedroom door at 4:00 a.m., meowing for breakfast.
8. The "boomBOOMboomboom, boomBOOMboomboom" of the bass in the neighbor kid's car. . . at 1:00 a.m.
9. My husband's cell phone ringing at dinnertime.
10. The gray cat retching, about to vomit a furball on the dining room carpet.

10 sounds that weren't heard in my grandparents' time:
1. The Windows start up wind chime .wav.
2. Cell phone ring tones.
3. Grocery store scanners beeping.
4. "You've Got Mail."
5. The whirrrrrrrrrrrr of the fan in a CPU.
6. The soft squeak of whiteboard markers writing.
7. Their car's "voice" giving them directions: "Get into the far right lane. Merge onto the exit ramp. . .Thank you for using OnStar."
8. The double click of a mouse.
9. The electronic chirp of a car alarm arming itself.
10. The beep of metal detectors as they walked into school.

My first blog photo

This is my favorite candid picture of the baby. She was sitting in her carseat (which we also double as a bouncy seat, being cheap as we are), playing with her baby gym, and I walked in and saw that the blanket had just fallen over her face. She didn't complain, didn't fuss. Just kept watching the baby gym through the small opening. But when I took the picture, as you can see, she did give me a look that said, "Enough! Remove the blanket, woman!"

Music Meme

With thanks to Susie!

Step 1) Pick a band or singer
Step 2) Answer the following questions about yourself, using only song titles from that band or singer
Step 3) Post

Band/Singer of choice: Simon and Garfunkel
Are you male or female? "Mrs. Robinson"
Describe yourself: "Still Crazy After All These Years"
How do some people feel about you? "You Can Call Me Al" (inside joke: my sister’s name is Allison, and people often call me by her name, or more often, start to say "Al..Andrea..." Hence the song title here. And I know this is a Paul Simon solo tune, but hey. Cut me some slack)
How do you feel about yourself? "Homeward Bound"
Describe your worst ex: "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover"
Describe your current significant other: "Bridge Over Troubled Water"
Describe what you want to be: "Old Friends"
Describe your current mood: "Feelin’ Groovy"
Describe your friends: "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard"
Share a few words of wisdom: "Keep the Customer Satisfied"

I am in SO much trouble.

Well, I'm not really in trouble. And I probably won't be. But if the milk I just spilled on my husband's BRAND! NEW! wireless keyboard had fouled it up, I could have been. Luckily, it also missed the optical mouse, since it was resting on a mouse pad that came with it for some reason (I thought part of the beauty of optical mouses--mice?-- was that they did not need a mouse pad, but whatever. It may have saved my butt). In honor of my idiocy, I'll post my favorite link for idiots (more fun if you have sound).

If he finds out, he also may not let me drive his NEW! (not brand new, new to us) Concorde. And that would be a bummer, because friends, I never thought we'd have a car with a leather interior.

Enough bragging about our new toys. Time to write something serious for once. I've always thought we would homeschool our kids, and for the most part, my husband has been supportive. I know homeschooling can be controversial, and I've done a lot of research on it to make sure it's something that would work for our family. Socialism is not something I consider a problem for most homeschoolers, as long as the kids are active in extracurricular activities (and my four-year-old is). For the past three years I've been "practicing", doing preschool with her. She's very bright, and it's been a challenge for me to make things challenging for HER. But I could definitely see that learning one-on-one would be a real benefit for her, allowing her to learn at her own pace without waiting for the rest of the pack to keep up with her.

However, these years of practicing have shown me that I'm not necessarily disciplined enough to keep up with her. This last year especially has been hard, because I was pregnant and then had a new baby. I know some homeschool moms can do it, but I haven't been able to. In additions, I've been struggling with depression for some years, which tends to come out especially post-partum for me. I'm on medication and, for the first time, seeing a therapist, and I think things are finally moving in the right direction. But I've recently come to realize that until I have my mental health under control, even if homeschooling would be good for her, it would probably not be very good for me. I'm too much of a perfectionist, and even though, despite my lack of discipline the last couple of years, she's still advanced for her age, I still beat myself up because I don't "do" lessons with her every day.

So, after much indecision, I finally decided this weekend that sending her to kindergarten would be the right thing, at least for now. As soon as I made the decision, I felt complete relief. It just felt like the right decision.

Today I took her to the school to get information about signing up; my friend told me that Kindergarten Round-Up is next week, so I need to get started. The secretary was very helpful, but there may be an issue about her age. She was born just past the cut-off date for eligibility. It's apparent to me and everyone who knows her that she's more than ready socially, emotionally, and intellectually. The problem, though, is classroom numbers. We live in an area that is growing very rapidly with new families moving in all the time. If there are too many students, the principal will probably not waive the cut-off date. The principal is out of town until Wednesday, so I won't be able to find out more until then.

My other option is a private preschool or kindergarten, maybe a Montessori school. There is one maybe 20 minutes away that might work. I don't want to be a pushy mom, but I also don't want her to be even more ahead of the class than she probably already is by the time we put her in public school. If I can get her into a private kindergarten, we can probably transfer her back into public first grade the next year.