When things like this happen (UPDATED)

Last night my sister's kids, my five-year-old nephew and two-year-old niece, spent the night with us. Their cousin, my brother-in-law's four-year-old niece, lies in the ICU of Riley Children's Hospital with complications due to contracting E. coli. She has been there for some weeks, and though her case has been serious, she was expected to recover completely. But she contracted a separate mysterious infection, most likely staph, and two nights ago almost died. She is still unconscious, hooked up to a respirator, and today they actually ran a brain scan on this little child because they are afraid she has no brain activity.

I have not heard any news since this morning, when my sister tearfully called to tell me about the brain scan. I hope that no news is good news, because if the brain scan had been negative, I can only imagine they would have been debating whether to shut off the respirator.

It's so hard to comprehend things like this. I know, in my head, that children get sick and die every day, all over the world, and yes, even in this developed country. But when it hits so close to home, that's when you start asking why.

I've asked why before. I asked God why He would even allow me to conceive only to let me miscarry four babies. I never got a clear answer to that question. But what I did come to realize is that this God, whom I've trusted my whole life, was not going to leave me now. I could still trust Him. He's always been good to me, and there was no reason now to believe that He would take pleasure in my pain, let alone deliberately cause it.

Sometimes I still have to remind myself of that. He is in control, and always will be. His plan is not for me to know, and I can't always understand His ways. I can't fathom why a four-year-old should go through so much pain, or why her parents should watch her suffer and perhaps die. But I know He is good, and I have to hold on to that when things like this happen.

I don't pretend to know why terrible things happen to people. But I do know that God weeps with us, because I know He wept with me.

(Update: I heard from my sis that the little girl died Saturday morning. They did indeed cut off life support when the brain scan showed nothing. I am angry and sad and confused on many different levels, but everything I said above, I still believe to be true.)

Reading

Audrey has officially hit "reader" status. I think she could read a newspaper with little difficulty. She wouldn't understand everything she read (thank goodness), but she could get the gist, I bet.

Right now Aislinn is "reading" a book she's seen Audrey reading out loud several times over the last few days (a board book about Jesus with surprisingly small print). She's reading it with such drama and intonation and concentration that I wish I had video capabilities so you could see and hear her. I know Audrey did the same thing at that age, but that doesn't stop it from being just as charming this time around.

House hunt is still on. I'm still torn between two cities. Still sick of looking at houses, but since we haven't found THE ONE yet, I guess I'll have to.

Seduced by new construction

Pawnee

Cheyenne

We looked at eight houses this morning. Both girls in tow. Lots of fun. And now I'm more ambivalent than ever.

Both of the above houses were on our list of homes to view. I didn't really think I'd like a house under construction. Most of the time we have walked through a house being built, it has just been framework. Leo can tell me where's the master suite, where's the kitchen, etc., but I might as well be looking at a blueprint for all I understand.

These houses are both almost finished though. On the outside, they look vaguely similar. Once I walked into the second one, I realized they were virtually the same house, same floorplan, with a few alterations. I love both of them. The second one has a few more advantages, a little more space, but is about $5000 more. They are also both on the extreme end of what we could probably afford.

(I'm going to refer to the both as one, unless I'm referring to a difference; then I'll refer to the names above).

Those are the street names given above. Despite the similar ring of the street names, they are not in the same subdivision. Two different realty/construction groups, but they are (more or less) custom homes. Someone from both groups picked the same floor plan and built it. The house has four bedrooms, PLUS a huge bonus room. The bonus room? Not your typical squeezed in room over the garage. It's double the size of any of the other bedrooms. I see all my plans coming to fruition when I see that bonus room. Here's how it goes:

Leo and I get the master suite (duh). The new baby gets a room of its own (eventually; it will sleep with us for quite a while). Aislinn and Audrey share the bonus room (or, if this baby is another girl, more likely Aislinn and the baby, and Audrey would get her own room as the oldest). And the other two bedrooms are offices for Leo and me.

I haven't even mentioned the huge basement. Of course, since it's new construction, it's not finished yet. I'm a patient woman. The living area is bright and airy. The kitchen cabinets are (I think) cherry. Cheyenne has an actual pantry, but Pawnee's skimpy "cupboard" pantry could be added to with shelving in the laundry room.

It's a thin chance. The price is so high, and since it's new construction, Leo's commission, already low in this crazy town, would be even lower.

We also have three (maybe four) more houses to look at tomorrow morning. The thought makes me want to vomit in a way that morning sickness does not. I feel like I've found "the one"; why should I look anymore? But I know it could be worth it if we find something even better.

I'm not counting on it. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but the thought, the possibility, of being the original family in a house, the one to first put our mark on it, our heritage...there's something cool about that I had not ever thought of before.

I've been MIA. So sue me.

It's been a busy week. Last weekend we had two graduation open houses, a house to look at (the first one from this post), a wedding, and decorating my VBS classroom.

That last part? VBS? That's what I've been doing every evening this week. VBS stands for Vacation Bible School, and though there are probably those in my church who loathe its arrival every summer, I wouldn't miss it. I've worked in the nursery, taught preschoolers and kindergartners, and this year for the first time I'm teaching an age group I don't have at home: 3rd and 4th grade. They are easier than younger kids in a lot of ways; they have longer attention spans, for one, so I don't have to switch gears every five minutes. They are also easier to herd and generally are fine with all going to the bathroom at one time (as opposed to different ones needing to go at different times). But I do miss the cute little faces of my preschoolers and kindergartners, especially during music! The older ones are starting to almost be too cool to do the hand motions. My group is right across the hall in crafts when Audrey is in music, so sometimes I sneak over and peek in the door to get my cute fix. Tonight is the last night, a short night, but afterwards there is a cookout and games in the parking lot, including free ice cream (we have a couple in our church who owns the local DQ who have been providing our church with ice cream for years, God bless 'em).

I've been feeling pretty good pregnancy-wise, although if I ever was going to be sick while pregnant (not counting the day of stupidity on the Ferris wheel two years ago), it could have been yesterday. It wasn't so much that I felt more nauseated than usual, but my gag reflex seemed to be working overtime. Mostly though I've found that if I get a protein bar or some turkey bacon first thing in the morning, I feel pretty good throughout the rest of the day.

I've pretty much made the full transition to maternity clothes. Especially in shorts. The one pair of size 10s I had were starting to feel tight last week.

My big news is that we finally saw the SECOND house from the post above, but it has been a nail-biter. We were scheduled to see it the same day as the other one, but they cancelled for some unknown reason. When Leo went back into the listings to pull it up a couple of days ago, *we couldn't find it*, and I almost started hyperventilating. "Someone else got it. It's pending for someone else, I just know it!" Not exactly. The listing had expired, so it was not listed with the active group, which is what we had been searching. Still...it had expired a few days ago, why hadn't it been relisted? Had they changed their minds? I was trying hard to be cool about it, but Leo could see how much I liked the house just from the pictures (and there are lots of the inside online). We looked at the listing itself to see if there were any clues. Leo worked some Realtor magic and found that it had been listed before. It had been on the market for a total of 9 months. The real problem? They had not lowered the price once in that time. He also managed to find that this house is the second most expensive one in that neighborhood (OH the things one can know when one is married to a Realtor!). His concern was that maybe they had bought more house than they could afford, and were not willing to sell it for less than what it was listed at so they would not lose any more money.

Since the listing had expired, Leo was actually within ethical limits to call the family directly and see if they were willing to let us see it (and perhaps even let him relist it). Turns out they just hadn't called their own agent back yet, so after several more calls over the last few days, we FINALLY scheduled a showing. We went this morning.

And I love it. It has four bedrooms plus an office. The master suite has a jacuzzi garden tub with a leaded glass window above it. It has a fireplace. There is no carpet in any bathroom or eating area. The kitchen...almost perfect. Gas stove (it's impossible to cook Chinese on electric because you have to change the temperature quickly sometimes), tile floor, lots and lots of cabinet and counter space. Eat-in kitchen PLUS an island bar. A planning desk, which was one of those things I was not holding out for, but have been still hoping for. The only negative about the kitchen is what they are calling a "pantry" is just an oversized floor-to-ceiling cabinet. That is not my definition of a pantry; a pantry is an actual closet, preferably one I can walk into. However...a look at the laundry room adjacent to the kitchen told me I could put pantry shelving in there with no problems.

Since I was willing to compromise on the pantry, Leo was willing to give in on his concern, which was the fact that the master bedroom is directly over the garage. Apparently this has recently been found to be a design flaw because if somone comes home late at night and opens the garage door, it can be quite loud and wake up sleeping people in the bedroom. Since we generally have a baby in bed with us (and will for probably the next two or three years), there's also that to consider. Leo finally decided that if he were to come home late at night, he would just park the vehicle in the driveway. Hopefully he won't regret this when winter comes, but I didn't put THAT thought in his head!

Here's the deal: we were still thinking about moving to the city south of us where most of Leo's clients come from. What we're going to do for now is hold off making an offer for about a week (since they haven't got anything in nine months, we are probably safe for that long). In that time we will view as many houses in this other city as we can, and if we don't find anything as good or better, we will probably be making an offer on this one.

I'm crossing my fingers. I would love to stay in this town!