mad parenting skilz

aka things i have learned how to do since becoming a parent

• type and use a mouse one-handed, including left-handed (skipping the shift key as much as possible)
• breastfeed while lifting a fork to my mouth (chopsticks, not so well)
• use the toilet while holding a baby (this includes unbuttoning, unzipping, pulling pants down, wiping, pulling pants up, buttoning, and zipping)
• read the paper and finish the sudoku of the day while listening to a 7-year-old retell every episode of spongebob squarepants and fairly odd parents known to man
• shower while holding a baby (enabled by this, and not something i prefer to do, but sometimes necessary)
• feed, bathe, and dress three children for church in the fifteen minutes since i realized the alarm clock did not go off
• figure out how to turn closed captioning on so i can figure out what's happening on tv despite the screaming of the child(ren)
• simultaneously read to the oldest, play with the toddler, and bounce the baby