Motif Monday: Fear
(Motif Monday is brought to you by mrtl at madden round the land)
I trust fear. If my adrenaline is rushing and my heart is pounding, I pay attention. I believe that intuition is real, and that sometimes when we feel fear that some would call irrational and not based on any good reason, we are doing ourselves a disservice by ignoring what our mind is trying to tell us.
I have two stories. In one, the fear was proven justified. In the other...thank goodness I'll never know.
The first story is my mom's. It takes place before my sister or I were born, when she and my dad were living in Kokomo, Indiana. My dad was teaching 4th grade and working on his master's degree, so they were poor newlyweds. They lived in an apartment and did not own a washer and dryer. That's why they were at the laundromat this particular night. While they were finishing up the laundry, my mom suddenly felt a chill. It was nothing she could put her finger on, just a very bad feeling. She said to my dad, "This place is going to be robbed, I just know it." I don't know what his reaction was, but they finished things up and went home. The next day in the paper, she read that the laundromat had been robbed. For real.
The second story is mine. One week as I was leaving Borders after my weekly trip to chai mecca, I noticed a van parked next to my car. It looked like a utility van, white with no windows in the back, but it had no markings to indicate that it was owned by a business. The engine was running and the lights were on. As I neared my own vehicle, something told me "Don't get in. Get away. There is someone in that van who is going to hurt you." After pausing for a few seconds, trying to argue with myself that this was completely irrational, I turned around and went back into Borders until the van eventually drove away, without anyone getting in or out. I was prepared to ask for an escort if it was still there when the store closed.
I am the first to admit I have an overactive imagination. I read too much true crime. When I wake up in the night, I sometimes imagine I hear people in the house and sometimes make Leo get up to look. But one book I have read, The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker, has taught me that it's OK to trust our fears, even if we are afraid we will look foolish. De Becker writes that in many cases, victims of crime had a feeling of something not being quite right just before they were assaulted. In my own case, the fact that the van was running even though it was neither a hot nor cold evening (so no need for a heater or air conditioner) might have been a clue to my subconscious. I remember thinking I did not like that there were no windows in the back. Something about the van just gave me the creeps. Maybe it was nothing. But I believe in listening to fear (without letting it control my life, of course!).
I trust fear. If my adrenaline is rushing and my heart is pounding, I pay attention. I believe that intuition is real, and that sometimes when we feel fear that some would call irrational and not based on any good reason, we are doing ourselves a disservice by ignoring what our mind is trying to tell us.
I have two stories. In one, the fear was proven justified. In the other...thank goodness I'll never know.
The first story is my mom's. It takes place before my sister or I were born, when she and my dad were living in Kokomo, Indiana. My dad was teaching 4th grade and working on his master's degree, so they were poor newlyweds. They lived in an apartment and did not own a washer and dryer. That's why they were at the laundromat this particular night. While they were finishing up the laundry, my mom suddenly felt a chill. It was nothing she could put her finger on, just a very bad feeling. She said to my dad, "This place is going to be robbed, I just know it." I don't know what his reaction was, but they finished things up and went home. The next day in the paper, she read that the laundromat had been robbed. For real.
The second story is mine. One week as I was leaving Borders after my weekly trip to chai mecca, I noticed a van parked next to my car. It looked like a utility van, white with no windows in the back, but it had no markings to indicate that it was owned by a business. The engine was running and the lights were on. As I neared my own vehicle, something told me "Don't get in. Get away. There is someone in that van who is going to hurt you." After pausing for a few seconds, trying to argue with myself that this was completely irrational, I turned around and went back into Borders until the van eventually drove away, without anyone getting in or out. I was prepared to ask for an escort if it was still there when the store closed.
I am the first to admit I have an overactive imagination. I read too much true crime. When I wake up in the night, I sometimes imagine I hear people in the house and sometimes make Leo get up to look. But one book I have read, The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker, has taught me that it's OK to trust our fears, even if we are afraid we will look foolish. De Becker writes that in many cases, victims of crime had a feeling of something not being quite right just before they were assaulted. In my own case, the fact that the van was running even though it was neither a hot nor cold evening (so no need for a heater or air conditioner) might have been a clue to my subconscious. I remember thinking I did not like that there were no windows in the back. Something about the van just gave me the creeps. Maybe it was nothing. But I believe in listening to fear (without letting it control my life, of course!).
posted by Andrea | 5:05 PM
4 Comments:
You were totally right to listen to that. People should always listen to themselves when they have that warning bell go off, keeps you safe. Even if you feel silly.
Silly is alive. Silly is good.
Oh my gosh, serious goosebumps here. You were so right to trust your gut. Teach your girls that, too. I tell LG, it doesn't matter if you can't explain, or if no one would understand, if something doesn't feel right, get outta there. Jess is right, silly is alive, and that's good.
I so agree, but its taken me awhile to trust that. Thankfully, every time I've had that nothing too serious has happened. The times I have trusted it, who knows, but like Jessica said...silly is alive.
There is another book out there about the power of the female instinct and how we should always trust our intuition. But I cannot remember the title!! Argh. If I come up with it, I'll let you know.
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